When to have the driving conversation

Warning signs worth acting on

• New dents, scrapes, or damage on the car that wasn’t explained.
• Getting lost on familiar, routine routes.
• Friends or neighbors mentioning near-misses or unsafe driving they’ve witnessed.
• Difficulty with mirrors, signals, or staying in a lane.
• A recent diagnosis — a stroke, a seizure, dementia, or a new medication with a driving-impairing side effect — that affects reaction time or judgment.
• The driver themselves expressing new anxiety about driving, especially at night or on freeways.

Raising it without it becoming a fight

• Bring it up early and more than once, as an ongoing check-in rather than a single ultimatum sprung during a crisis.
• Frame it around specific, observed incidents rather than a general feeling — specifics are harder to argue with and easier to hear as concern rather than judgment.
• Have a real alternative ready before you raise the topic — rideshare, a family driving schedule, senior transportation services — so the conversation isn’t just about losing something with nothing offered in return.
• If the conversation keeps stalling, a doctor raising it carries different weight than family — ask the primary care physician to bring it up directly at the next appointment.

What actually happens with the license

In California, the DMV can require a re-examination — written, vision, and/or behind-the-wheel — based on a referral from a physician (some conditions require mandatory reporting), a law enforcement officer, or a family member, submitted confidentially. The DMV, not the family, makes the final licensing decision, which can actually help — it moves the family out of the role of “the ones who took the keys away” and into simply supporting a process being handled by an outside authority.